Squeaky FUN Time: Goodbye Manchester, Hello Derby Week

Pictured: The Devil's Smile 

Today, at Old Trafford, Chelsea achieved their least spectacular (yet most important) result of a dismal season - a 1-0 victory, courtesy of Juan Mata, Phil Jones' powers of deflection, and a hilarious red card to Rafael da Silva.  The Blues are sitting pretty in third place, a point ahead of Arsenal with a game in hand.
So, let's talk turkey/Tottenham.

Manchester United vs. Chelsea, A Tactical Preview

Ba Ba Black Sheep, Will you score more goals?

It's Chelsea vs. Manchester United time again. For the fifth time this season, the two teams meet. Chelsea currently lead the series 2-1, with one drawn game. Chelsea have the impressive feat of having the most wins at Old Trafford, at 5, ahead of City and Boro, both at 3 each.(Stat Courtesy: Chelsea Stats on Twitter). Few years back, this game used to have an influence on where the title went. Now it's just a dead rubber for United and a clash to keep themselves in the top four for Chelsea. Somewhere down the line, something went very wrong for us...

Hooligans and Headaches: Sport's Universal Problem

With Yossi Benayoun announcing that (to the surprise of no-one) he would not be renewing his Chelsea contract when it expires at the end of the season, the English media took delight at rehashing a theme that reared it's head as recently as our last game at Anfield - that Chelsea fans chased Benayoun out with anti-Semetic chants and are the worst football fans EVER. Unsurprisingly, this claim has been met with much anger in the Chelsea community - surprisingly, though, it has it's parallels in another recent event at another struggling club, Major League Baseball's Toronto Blue Jays.

Schurrle You Jest: A Note On Summer Transfers, the Bundesliga and Pep

Chelsea have played an astronomical number of games this summer, and the holes in our squad that existed back in August have become even wider than they were at the beginning of the year.  The largest hole, as always, is the seemingly bottomless void on the touchline - a manager capable of filling the shoes left by Jose Mourinho so many years ago - while on the field, the gap in central midfield has become a chasm, and the less that is said about our striker situation, the better.  So what does this have to do with the Germans?!?

The David Luiz Song

The Saviour when he was a kid.

Poor David Luiz. All he wants to do is to stay happy, he wants more geezers, happy people. But all this cruel world gives him is sadness, pain and two-footed lunges. Despite all this, he seeks solace, finds fortune and gets glee in the tiniest acts of goodness that happen around him. After the sadness of blasts in Boston and Bangalore and the Iran earthquake, he cries, cries hard, cries very hard. But then, he remembers, that he is The Saviour, and puts on a brave face and goes about cheering the world. But how does he do that? Here is the song that, Harry Harris' sources claim, make him see everything in a positive light.


*THIS SONG IS PURELY CREATIVE AND IS ORIGINAL, DOES NOT INVOLVE PLAGIARISM OF ANY KIND

This song is just my an effort of mine, but considering I'm not a wordsmith of any sorts, I'll welcome others to make their own and share in the comments. For best results, hum it in the same tune as Louis Armstrong's 'What a wonderful world'.

I see teams in blue, red tablecloths too,

I see them search, for a break-through,

And I think to myself.....

What a Wonderful World !!!

I see QPR poo, in the Stadium of Light,

Lee (Cattermole) hacks me up,

Walters says "FIGHT!"

And I think to myself....

What a Wonderful World !!!

True colours of Aguero, ugly, in the fly,

Also the shitty face, of Yaya, going by,

I see refs shaking hands,

Saying "How do you do",

They're really saying,

"Love Man U".

I see Suarez lie, roll on the floor,

He'll fake much more,

Than I'll never know,

And I think to myself.....

What a Wonderful World !!!

The curls of my hair, so pretty, ooh they fly,

And the skills of Boga, in the youth does he ply,

I see JT and Lamps,

Saying "How do you do",

They're really saying,

"I Love You !"

I see Torres try, and Chelsea win,

They're gonna win much more,

Than L'Arse'll ever know,

And I think to myself.....

What a Wonderful World !!!

That might have been downright awful, but it's actually the precipice for the Wilde in me. Now that the cornerstone's been laid, be creative and leave your songs in the comments section.

Always smile and love like Luiz. In the growing times of terror, maybe all people need is a bit of Luiz-ness, bringing smiles on others' faces. While you can't stop the sadness around you, try to lighten things up with some love. And yeah, pray for a better tomorrow, like Lord Luiz always does ! So go, and SPREAD HAPPINESS GEEZERS !

Fulham vs Chelsea: A Preview

As the battle for the top 4 intensifies, Chelsea will be looking to secure all 3 points when they take on Fulham tomorrow. Of the 7 remaining Premier League fixtures Chelsea have, Fulham should be the easiest and anything short of 3 points will really be a disgrace. A disgrace! Everton and Arsenal played to a scoreless draw earlier today and it’s all up to the Chelsea players to capitalize on this golden opportunity. I really can’t convey how disappointing it would be if Chelsea failed to get all 3 points tomorrow. Leaving Craven Cottage* without the 3 points puts us in a situation where we MUST get 3 points versus Liverpool this weekend, and as you may have observed, that has become increasingly difficult in recent seasons.

* The name of Fulham’s home ground makes me giggle. *giggles*

One year older and wiser (*coughs*), what does Rafa have in store for us?

FA Cup Semifinal Preview : Chelsea vs. Manchester City

Gosh, I hate all three SO much !

EL CASHICO TIME !!!!!